15th October 2003 Here she is. We hear her key in the front door and all stop talking and watch the door. Ray, Jim, Marcelle and me. All waiting. She comes into the lounge - and bursts into tears. "He's not here," she howls. I hold her as she sobs, crying with her. But I cannot help her. I'm her mother, I should be able to, but I can't. Her beloved Samson died yesterday and nothing can change that. But I feel so helpless in the face of her grief. When she has calmed down and changed, we all sit and talk about Samson. It seems to help her. She says, "I'll never get used to this" And Marcelle says, "No you won't, not yet. But it will get easier. You'll never forget him, or replace him, but life without him will become normal. Just a different kind of normal." I marvel at her wisdom, but I am still worried. Jacqueline has had Samson for over half her life. Now he's gone and she is due to have a weeks holiday next week. She has often taken time off, just so she can spend quality time with him, but now she will be on her own in the house, without her beloved cat all day. How will she cope with that?

22nd October 2003 Come home from work, to find Jacqueline on line. She's found a site and a breeder she likes the look of. She shows me a picture of Tia Maria, one of the queens. "Isn't she stunning", she says. I have to agree. She says that she is going to contact the breeder, because Tia may already be pregnant. She wants to see if there is any possibility of her being considered as an owner for one of the kittens. She is concerned that she may not have provided the correct care for Samson, so is reading everything she can about cat care, so she doesn't make the same mistakes in the future. I tell her that I believe that Sam's care was the best, but agree that it is never wrong to be prepared to learn. She's not crying quite so much now, but I am convinced that this is for my benefit and that she does give in, when she is alone in her room. As a family, we talk about him constantly.

26th October 2003 Ray and I had previously booked a 'booze cruise' to France to buy some wine and some early Christmas presents. We've persuaded Jacqueline to join us. She had been intending to have a lazy day with Samson, but of course that cannot happen now. She has found an old film in her camera and is hoping that there will be a picture or pictures of Samson on it, so we take it with us, because we know that there is a 1 hour developing shop at Cite Europe, where we are going, When we get there, we take the film in and when we get the prints back - there it is. The most beautiful photograph of Samson. Ray & I decide to have it enlarged and framed for her, so he sneaks back to get it done. We are not very good at this "sneaking" lark, because she tells us later that she had realised what we were going to do. However, the finished product is gorgeous and when we give it to her she smiles! It's the first time I've seen her smile in almost two weeks!

30th October 2003 Great excitement. Jacqueline has contacted the breeder and she is 2nd on the list for one of Tia's kittens. She has also discovered Rainbow Bridge, which is where our loved pets go, to wait for us and takes great comfort from that. She has made arrangements to visit the breeder, but that won't happen yet. However, she has discovered SOCOC, which is an online club for cat lovers, set up by the breeder. I start reading it too and really begin to look forward to reading the posts on there.

2nd December 2003 Arrive at the breeders and meet Kat for the first time. She is so gracious, because she has e-mailed us to postpone, because her daughter is not well. She says nothing, though and we don't find out until we get back home and check the in-box. She opens the door and we enter into a house of chaos and animals. But the love there, for both humans and animals is almost tenuous and you feel that you could pull off chunks of it, if you wanted too. Jacqueline has been very nervous about this meeting, in case Kat does not like her, but all seems to go well. Tia and also Cacao, the other pregnant queen, are indeed stunning and we both agree that their photos do not do them justice. I've never seen an Oriental before. I find it rather strange to see what is essentially a Siamese, but without the points. However, their Havana girl, called Amaretto is beautiful and seems to have a wonderful personality. Kahlua and Ice come to say hello and seem quite happy to sit quietly with Jacqueline, as if signaling their approval. Leave feeling really privileged to have been made so welcome and excited that one of Tia's kittens will be Jacqueline's.

3rd December 2003 Try and persuade Ray to let me have a kitten, too. I was very taken with Ice, Kat's soon to be stud boy and I am sure that his and Tia's kittens are going to be gorgeous. Ray is just as determined that I will not have a kitten, as I am that I will!

13th December 2004 Go to the National Cat Club show at Olympia. Have a great day, although we can't stay as long as we would like, because Jacqueline has to go to work at 4 o'clock. Spend as long as we can, drooling over the Siamese and Orientals. She spends £150 on equipment for the new kitten. £150 for a kitten that's not even been born yet!

16th December 2003 Tia's kittens have been born! All seems well, although we were very sad to hear that one had died. Still working on Ray, but to no avail.

30th December 2003 Cacao's kittens have been born, as well now. Again, one died, but the others seem to be doing well. Full of admiration for Kat, because she always seems to find time to post a kitten diary every day, with photographs. That is so helpful for Jacqueline, who is still missing Samson terribly. I enjoy it too and the whole family is now on "Web-watch" to see when she has updated the kitten diary. We had hoped to go over to Kat's again, with Ray for a drink before Christmas, but that proved impossible to arrange.

12th January 2004 We are going to Kat's today, to meet the kittens for the first time. They are so beautiful. Lesley W. is there too and it is fascinating just sitting there, listening to her and Kat, as they try to determine their colours. Jacqueline was quite taken with Pru, as well as Phoebe. Phoebe is going to be a real stunner, but Pru just sat there, seeming to take life in her stride. She seemed so laid back, we almost expected her to be lying there on her back, with her paws crossed under her head! Ray hasn't been able to come with us this time, because he is needed at Church, where he is an Elder. He is still adamant that I am not having a kitten.

15th January 2004 Jacqueline finally decides to join SOCOC

26th January 2004 We are working on the kitchen, which has just been re-fitted, when Jacqueline announces that one of Cacao's kittens needs a home. Kat has now said on the site that one is available, after it seemed as if they had all been taken. Jacqueline hopes that it is Hera (who was Hercules, until they discovered that "he" is a girl!) Talked it over with Ray, to see if we could offer her a home, but he still says "no"

28th January 2004 Still trying to persuade Ray to let us have Cacao's kitten. Explain that if we are going to get two, in the future, surely it's better to do that now, so that they can grow up together. He says, "I'll think about it" which I know, means yes! Tell Jacqueline to e-mail Kat. I am so thrilled.

30th January 2004 My Birthday. Jacqueline, Marcelle and I are going out for the day and then getting together with Ray and Jim, for a meal this evening. Jacqueline has e-mailed Kat, who has confirmed that it is Gabriel, not Hera, who needs a loving home. Frankly, I don't mind. Gabriel looks so sweet and from what Kat is saying about her, has a really nice temperament and is also quite naughty, which to my mind, makes the perfect cat! We decide between us, during the day that she will be my cat and that I will pay for her and all her needs throughout her life. Ray however thinks that she will be Jacqueline's as well, so may need some persuading, if it's to change. We go out and buy a Cat carrier and some other stuff, then go home to tell him. All he says is "I think I've just been conned" but he's laughing as he says it, so I know he doesn't mind, really!

1st February 2004 I join SOCOC and announce to everyone that I'm going to be a Mummy.
I have waited 15 years for this - since a stray we adopted had kittens and Ray wouldn't let me keep one, as I had wanted. If I'm honest, I have been a bit jealous of the relationship that Jacqueline had with Samson, so I will love the chance of having such a bond with a cat of my own. Jacqueline and I are talking about Samson and the new kittens all the time and excitedly counting down the days until we can bring our babies home.

15th February 2004 Go to meet Gabriel for the first time. I am very excited and nervous, in case she doesn't like me. So is Jacqueline, because she is going to choose which one of Tia's kittens she will be having. We are taking Ray and also Marcelle, who is now on the waiting list for Tia's next litter. When we get there, Kat places Gabriel in my arms and I instantly fall madly in love! Gabriel is absolutely lovely and like her Mum, her photos do not do her justice. She is such a beautiful colour and I don't think that she is quite as extreme as some that I have seen. Her ears don't seem quite as big as her sisters and her face seems to be a bit more rounded. But that could be the tortie markings on her face. And she has been 'pottered'! I am a huge Harry Potter fan and she has a blaze on her forehead that looks just like his scar! Maybe "he-who-must-not-be-named" has had a go at her, as well! Anyway, whether I am right about her not being as true to the standard as she could be, I don't know. I just think that she is beautiful (and, it appears, so does she) so I guess that is all that matters. She is quite happy to stay in my arms and snooze all the time we are there. Jacqueline has chosen Pru as her kitten and she sleeps in Jacqueline's arms all afternoon too. It is so good to see her with a Siamese in her arms again. We still all talk about Samson a lot, but it is so good to know that she has the future to look forward to, with a new and very different cat.

24th February 2004 Receive e-mail from Kat, with a photo of Gabby, which is entitled "Freaky kitten ears" in which Gabby's ears look absolutely HUGE. It really makes me laugh, so I print it off to take to work, to show everyone. And to think, when I first met her, I thought her ears were smaller than they should be! Shows how much I know.

26th February 2004 Come home from work, to find that Jacqueline has made me some computer wallpaper of Gabby. Am thrilled to bits. Then I open e-mail from Kat, to discover that she has done exactly the same! I am so pleased. On Kat's version, her full pedigree name is shown - which is "Schimmel Chilli Tequila" It makes it seem really real now and since I love them both, decide to keep them both and they can take it in turns to be used.

27th February 2004 Go to see the babies again and to pay my deposit. Have a lovely cuddle with Gabby (or Kyla, as she will be called). It's just Jacqui and me today and, as usual Kat is really friendly. We both feel such novices, even though we have had cats before. But these two seem really special, so we are nervous about bringing them home as well as very, very excited. Jacqui has decided that she wants to show Bo (Pru's soon to be name) and Kat says that if Kyla were hers, that she would also show her "just to see what would happen" I'm not sure, although the more I think about it, the more tempted I become. If nothing else, it could mean that we would meet more members of SOCOC! We are still avidly reading the site and the kitten diary. So much so, that Ray is starting to complain that he can never get near the computer.

6th March 2004 We have to go shopping at Bluewater and while I am there I buy a digital camera for myself. Tell the guy in the shop that it must be easy to use, idiot proof and beautiful. What he sells me is certainly that and when I get it home and play with it, take a lovely photo of Ray. So now I will be able to take pictures of Kyla as she grows.

13th March 2004 Have just received a phone call from Kat, to apologise for not putting an entry in the kitten diary today! Am blown away by her thoughtfulness! How she has kept the diary so regularly, at the same time as running a business, a home and having eight kittens to bring up and take care of 5 adult cats, 2 dogs and 2 chinchillas, is beyond me. How glad I am that we met her - not just because she bred our babies, but because she is so lovely and I hope that this will be the start of a very long friendship with her and her family.

18th March 2004 Ray is away overnight, so it's just Jacqueline and me here to prepare for Bo's homecoming in the morning. Jacqui has had a simply horrible day at work, so I let her have a bit of a nap, when she gets in. Eventually she wakes up and we have a simply wonderful time, filling litter trays, getting the toys ready and putting together 2 cat play gyms. I don't think that I have seen her quite so happy since Samson died. She confesses that up until last week, she only wanted Samson, but as she knew she could not have him back, she wanted Bo. However, now she says that she wants Bo in her own right and that she is really looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her. I am so pleased! She is taking all next week off and as far as I am concerned, this is her time with her baby that was so rudely snatched away from her last October. Because of the nap, we go to bed very late indeed.

19th March 2004 Up early to go and collect Bo! Marcelle comes over, because she is driving. We go out for breakfast first, then over to Kat's . It is very apparent that she is dreading this moment, but she is very good and doesn't make us feel guilty for taking Bo away from her. Bo is a bit distressed in the car, but as soon as she gets home, she settles down quite quickly, giving Jacqui the most wonderful cuddle. It is so lovely to see her
with a Siamese in her arms again.

25th March 2004 Having started the countdown to Kyla coming home, have to stop, because I cannot get the time off work. I am so disappointed; disappear to the loo at work, for a bit of a cry!! Hopefully I can have Easter week off instead and if I can get over the disappointment, that may actually be better, because I'll have 11 days at home, instead of 5. Tell Kat and as usual, she's so good about it.

2nd April 2004 I am definitely getting my baby tomorrow! And I can't wait. Bo is getting more adorable by the day and obviously loves Jacqueline to bits. I must admit that I am a little jealous of their relationship already and hope that mine with Kyla is even half as good. If it is, I will be one very happy bunny!

3rd April 2004 Today is the day! At last! The beginning of what I hope and pray will a long, lovely, happy life with my darling Kyla.

In Memory of Samson - 4th July 1986 - 14th October 2003
We will never stop loving you and we will never, ever forget you. Thank you for being such a wonderful companion. It is thanks to you that it all came to pass.